49 Nights of Quiet Solitude — What Lingers Is a Profound Longing: I Miss You, Zumfy/Future

2025-10-14T20:56:16+08:00

This is the direct translation from the original Chinese text.

When I write this letter, it has been forty-nine days since the leak of your OpenPGP private key. During the daytime, as I busy myself with study and daily life, everything seems much the same as before. Over this period, I have met many new friends and have shared joyful moments with them. Yet, especially in recent days, I have begun to feel that something vital is missing from my life. Whenever I am alone at night, when all is quiet and still, fragments of memories begin to assail me. It was then that I realised — I miss you.

Even up to the very moment when you told me that your private key had been compromised, I firmly believed that we would remain the closest of friends for the next decade, several decades, perhaps even a lifetime. Yet it was the malicious nature of proprietary software — it was proprietary software that caused the OpenPGP key leak — that froze our friendship in time, cutting short a bond that had lasted not even five months. You never even had the chance to stand with me before the beautiful scenery that lay ahead; instead, for some inexplicable reason, you departed in haste.

I remember asking you, not long after we first met, whether we could become good friends. Some time later, you told me that no one had ever said such words to you before. Since I was willing to treat you with the sincerity of a true friend, you would do the same for me. You said that neither of us lacked honesty, and indeed it was our mutual sincerity that moved us both. At that time, I truly believed we would become the best of friends — a friendship surpassing all those I had known before.

I remember it was you who recommended several pirate film websites, and it was you who patiently, step by step, taught me how to use yt-dlp and cat-catch. Back then, it felt as though I had opened a door to a new world — a boundless sea of flowers free from the parasites of digital restriction management, filled instead with films blooming like blossoms, each one a masterpiece. I gleefully downloaded many films, both familiar and new, and indulged in a visual feast all my own.

I remember too that whether we were discussing the philosophy of free software or the principles of Marxism, you always approached every topic with seriousness and rigour. Under your guidance, my critical and dialectical thinking advanced by leaps and bounds. Yet when it came to light-hearted banter, you were every bit as playful as anyone else — with lines like “I’m an alien here to experiment on you”, “I am Ryuu Kanichi”, or “I’m the cyber-dragon girl Future”. You could switch effortlessly between seriousness and playfulness, colouring our shared memories with vibrancy.

Whenever you were feeling low, you would come to me to talk. Though I was never good at offering emotional comfort, I would still do my utmost to console you — and each time I succeeded in cheering you up, I felt the purest joy. Whenever I was lost or uncertain, you were always there, trying to guide me through. Even when your advice didn’t change much in practice, you still managed to make me smile and gave me more confidence to face what lay ahead.

Although our friendship lasted a mere five months, its depth was enough to rival the sum of all my previous important friendships. You are, to this day, the best friend I have ever had — the dearest, the most irreplaceable, and the one who holds the most unique place in my heart.

I truly, deeply miss you. Losing you is one of the greatest losses in my life — just as Yu Boya’s greatest sorrow was losing Zhong Ziqi. During the day, my life goes on as usual, but when night falls and the world grows silent, the longing surges like a tide. Since the key leak, how have you been? Are your days filled with joy? Have you taken on a new identity to continue your activity within another corner of the community, or have you stepped back to focus on life offline? Are you still using free software? Still studying Marxism? What means of communication do you use most now? Who are the friends around you? What topics fill your days? What music do you listen to? Has GrapheneOS been upgraded to the latest version? Do you still remember our agreement — that you would give me your Pixel 5 and I’d give you my OnePlus 6? That we would meet in person, explore every corner of Harbin together, and discuss the future direction of the Free Software Chinese website? Do you remember all that…?

Even if, mathematically speaking, we are forever separated, our souls bear the indelible marks of one another. You are within me, and I am within you.

No matter what happens, I still believe in you. Even though you lost your private key, you will never lose your ideals or your convictions. They are the guiding light, illuminating your path through the fog of life; they are the power bank, giving you strength and energy when you falter; they are the beacon, and though our identities may change over time, guided by our shared ideals and beliefs, I believe that one day, somewhere on this planet — or perhaps on some server — we shall meet again, in another form.

Even if we are forever apart, we remain comrades within the same community, fighting side by side in the same trench. As long as we hold fast to our ideals and beliefs, we are always moving towards the same goal — striving for the same cause: for free software, for a free society.

We will always be the best of friends.

Rebel
14 October 2025